I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
