either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize