Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
