Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
