told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
