you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
