just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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