oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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