I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
