i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
