my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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