This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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