shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just found a bag of teeth...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
