Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
