I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You did what with his pubic hair?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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