tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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