At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
