I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
