I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
