I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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