I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just forgot I was standing up.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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