he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
