Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
