I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Hello my rib-scented angel!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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