Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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