Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
