Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
