Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
