All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Jerry, you need to find god
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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