Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Randomize
