I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
