drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize