i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
