Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
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my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
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When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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