she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
