It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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