You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
