Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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