I need help removing her.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
