Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
