I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
