She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
