Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You need a sexual gate keeper
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
