ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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