All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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