He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
