I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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