We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
