You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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