omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
