the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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