god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize