She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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