when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
