I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
