I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
