Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
