Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
