Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
