either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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