its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
