There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
