I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
