"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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