so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
