Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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