there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
