It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
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she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
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I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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