dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
