some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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