do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
