Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
