big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
