Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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