So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
