there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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